Cyber Monday--Deal of the Day!

This is Mary.

Mary is a tailor with a vision: to help 300 female detainees* in Zambian jails...

Zambian Jail (from Human Rights Watch)

...get access to sanitary napkins.  Right now inmates have nothing.   Some roll up a piece of scrap fabric.  Others dig a hole in the dirt.  Most dread that time of the month.

Mary has compassion for these women...

Tumba Yobisika means "Hidden Pocket"

...and she's designed a cute bag filled with five reusable menstrual pads.

Yes, they are supple!

But wait, it gets better.  Each kit is made by a group of single moms that Mary is training in tailoring.  These tailors are being paid, gaining job skills, and helping out other women in Zambia.

Will you partner with Mary?  $10 buys one kit.  Just $10.  

And guess what?  Your donation is TAX DEDUCTIBLE in the USA. 

Click this link to Chikumbuso's Global Giving Page.  

Mary thanks you very much for your support!  I'll keep you posted on our progress.  Happy shopping!

*Many women are held for years before they are even charged with a crime.

Driver's License--Part 2

"Getting a driver's licence is easy." From Road Transport and Safety Agency of Zambia
Ha! The Road Transport and Safety Agency (RTSA) [pronounced RATS-A] has such a sense of humor!  Here are some other gems from their website:
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What click in people's minds when they hear or think about obtaining a drivers license is the difficulties they are going to face such as long queues that never end and colossal sums of money to pay.   You're kidding... 

YES, they think of spending a lot of money because of approaching wrong persons who have their officers in streets and are not mandated to be issuing drivers license. We promise that you'll spend lots of time and money with legitimate officers...

The procedures are ease and there are no long queues. Muahahahaha.

The good news is that. Mind you, R.T.S.A is your friend and not your enemy. With friends like these...
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So you've memorized your 10 Basic Rules of Driving.  Here's what happens next:


1.  Head on down to the main RTSA office.  You don't know where that is?  Lighten up!  Consider it a scavenger hunt.  Don't look for hints on RTSA's website.  It's not there.

Time: about 4 hours

# of Lines you'll stand in:  8-10

Stuff you'll need:  Originals and copies of work permits, international driver's license, passport, tranquilizers, and cash.

2.  The first thing you'll do is take your theory test.  Someone will quiz you on the 10 Basic Rules of Driving.  If you pass, take your officially stamped sheet and join the hundreds of lost souls trapped in the RTSA labyrinth.


3. After they have sucked your will to live, RTSA will fingerprint and take your photo.  You will need to remove all of your jewelry and look into the camera without smiling.  It's like a crazed mug shot you get to carry with you at all times.

See? Case in point.

Wait, male?  Way to kick me when I'm down.

4. At the end of this you'll be issued a temporary driving license.  Congratulations!


5.  Now you'll need to book your driving test with the RTSA office.  Sorry, you can't schedule that today.  You will need to come back in 24 hours to do this.  BTW the test is held elsewhere, so good luck finding that place.
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The Driving Test--The Last Hurdle


Let's be frank:  the chances of you passing today are slim to none. All I can do is offer you a list of common "traps" the RTSA officers use to fail drivers.


1.  Don't start your test until the officer has his seatbelt on.  You may have to ask him to buckle up.


2.  Drive with your hands at 10 and 2 o'clock, or 8 and 4 o'clock--it depends on the officer.


3.  Never take your hands off the steering wheel.  Even when you are backing up.


4.  When you turn a corner, DO NOT use the hand-over-hand steering method.  Instead, use the "Push-Pull-Slide" method.  Google it if you don't know what I'm talking about.


5.  Oh, and by the way, the official road test route on the RTSA website is apparently a suggestion.


Here's how Eric and I both failed:
The officer asked us to go through an intersection.  There were three unmarked lanes to choose from, and only one went straight.  The "logical" choice turned out to be a left-turn only lane.


Officer:  I asked you to go straight.


Me: I know.  I didn't know this was a turn lane.  What should I do?


Officer:  Well, you could cross the solid white line and get into the correct lane, but that would be BREAKING THE LAW.


Me:  Ok, then I will take a left-hand turn.


Officer:  Why would you do that?


Me:  Because my option is to break the law or take a left and figure out how to get back.


And that's how I failed.  He wrote on my form:  FAIL--Didn't follow instructions.  For the record, Eric broke the law and crossed the solid white line.


Should this happen to you, don't fret.  You just need to go back to the main RTSA office, pay again and reschedule the test.
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In a perfect world, I'd be in charge of Zambian driving tests.  Applicants would have to drive down the road and avoid the following hazards:


Level 1) Garbage thrown from trucks.

Look out below!

Level 2) Street vendors walking down the middle of the highway.

Oranges, anyone?

Level 3) Children darting into traffic.

And blind grandmothers.

Level 4) A herd of spastic goats.

Mahhhhhhhhhhh

If you manage to avoid all of these obstacles, I'll pass you.  If not, don't worry.  I'll allow you to retake the test.  However you'll need to schedule your next appointment at our offices conveniently located in Zimbabwe.  

Driver's License-Part 1

Another public service announcement from Eric and Sarah:  How to get your Zambian Driver's License.

1.  Bang your head against a brick wall until you pass out.  That was the fun part of your day.

2.  Now go to University Teaching Hospital to have a physical examination. 

Cost:  $12.

  Time:  min. 1 hour 

# of lines you will stand in:  min. of 5

What's my "apparent age"?

3.  If you pass your physical, then read through the handy-dandy Zambian Highway Code book, and MEMORIZE the 10 Basic Rules of Driving.  Remember, nobody likes "Bad Duck Pie" and nobody likes it when you don't know the rules.  Also, you'll be tested on these in Part 2.

• Be sure your car is roadworthy and know its limitations [Translation: When in doubt, drive it!]

Good to go!

• Adapt your speed according to the road and traffic conditions and never exceed the speed limit. [Translation:  Slow down a bit, if one of these bad boys crosses the road.]

• Drive with care and give courtesy to other road users. 

For example...

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• Develop your car sense and reduce wear and tear.  [Translation:  I don't have the faintest clue what this means.]

Huh?

• Use your horn considerately and give proper signals. 

Go! Go! Go!

• Concentrate all the time on your driving to avoid accidents. 

• Know the highway code very well and put it into practice. [Translation:  The most important rule is to know the rules.]

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• Perfect your roadcraft and acknowledge courtesies shown to you by other road users. [Translation:   You know the "thank-you" wave when I let you go in front of me?  Yeah, use that.]
• Interpret the traffic situation correctly before you act. [Translation:  Everyone knows that red means stop and green means go, but what happens when you get both at the same time?]

Interpret this.

• Exercise patience and "hang back" when necessary. 

Driving is fun!

Stay tuned for the next steps...

Smoke and Mirrors, Maybe?

No problem too big...

...for Dr. Adams to take your money.

...or Dr. Kenzo

Do Not Try This At Home...

Ellen:  Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down. 
Clark:  That's all part of the experience, honey. 

--National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

"I'm taking the day off today, so we can have an adventure,"  Eric declared on Friday morning. 

Scorching heat...

It is 91 degrees outside and what does Eric want to do?

     Read a book in front of the air conditioner

     Drink ice tea and go swimming

 Take the whole family on a 10K bike ride in the African bush

Freeloader

Everything was fine for the first 2 minutes.  Then Alex started complaining about how hard it was to bike... 

and Why are we doing this?... 

and Can we just go home?  

Eric told her to zip it.  

I, however, consoled her.  "Your father is completely nuts, sweetie.  Perhaps one day you will laugh.  Now keep riding so the Black Mamba doesn't get you."

After about an hour, I looked down at Alex's back tire.  It was completely flat.   

No worries.  Eric decided to tie her bike on the back of his...right behind Oliver's bike seat.  The only challenge was how to secure the 30-pound bike.  We, of course, had no cords or ropes with us.  Those were locked safely in the car.  

Eric grabbed the strap from the camera case. Then he added my Patagonia backpack.  That did the trick.

Problem solved.

Sort of.  Every time Eric hit a bump, Alex's bike would drop down onto his tire, we'd all have to stop, and fix it again.  Balance was a bit of an issue, since over 70 pounds rested on his back tire.

Needless to say, I nearly burst into tears when we reached our vehicle after the 4-hour ride.  We had survived!

On Saturday Eric left for a week-long business trip in Korea.  We are really going to miss him.  

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to refill my ice tea.

Free at Last!

"Congratulations, Little Bunny, you are now well on your way to getting your goat's stomach." --Eric Showell


My husband can eat almost anything and not get sick.  Past-prime leftovers?  No problem.  Souring milk.  Check.  Eating straight from the garbage can?  Uh, not verified.

He attributes his good goat stomach to living in Honduras for six months.  That's when he battled all sorts of stomach bugs.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Saturday morning the doctor found an amoeba living in my belly.  Said amoeba, I'll call him "Justin Bieber", wreaked havoc on my stomach, and wasn't going down without a fight.  He dropped-kicked the antibiotics right out of me.  Soon I looked like this:

Self-portrait

Saturday night Eric escorted me to the hospital, and they kept me there for three nights. The staff took great care of me, and I am now stabilized and back home.

It was unlike any hospital experience I've ever had.

It was more along the lines of 6th grade camp, only I had an IV.   Never mind that the bed sagged like a hammock, or that there were lizards in the bathroom, or that the shower curtain was three inches too short.  I mean, this is one of the nicest hospitals in Zambia, and I've been in some village "emergency rooms" with chickens running through them.  I'm not complaining about the ambiance.

Special Touch:  a sticker on the trash bin

Guess it's time to tape the edges too.

Here's my beef:

• There was no soap/sanitizer in the bathrooms. 

I mean, seriously?  I shared a room with two post-surgery ladies who probably wouldn't have appreciated taking home Justin Bieber Jr. [Editor's note: paternity is still in question].

So I had Eric bring in some soap and a large bottle of hand sanitizer or "hanitizer" as my kids would say.  It was the least I could do.

And after my experience with Justin Bieber, you'd better believe that now I carry a gallon of that stuff everywhere I go.