Fun Facts about Mosquitoes

"People who claim they don't let the little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito." 

We've been breeding mosquitoes.  Mind you, it was unintentional.  It was merely a consequence of being über prepared for the occasional water outage in our home, which is a crisis if you have to clean up a kid who has barfed on himself.


Eric, A.K.A. The Problem Solver, has kept a large bucket of water next to our bathtub for such emergencies.  Yesterday when the faucets were dry, Eric scooped some water from the bucket to wash his hands.  That's when he noticed a ton of creepy-crawly-wormy things swimming in the water.

Mosquito larvae (photo from Wikipedia)

Here's what they look like, however this is the equivalent of glamour portrait of these little devils.  Remove the brilliant blue background and add some incessant squirming, and it will give you a better idea of what we saw.


These are mosquito larvae.  This is stage #2 of the life cycle.  First the mama has to lay eggs on the water. Those eggs hatch into these adorable creatures.  After molting four times, they morph into a pupa.  Finally they hatch into a blood-sucking parasite, and the circle of life continues.


Unlike the average person who would immediately dump all 10 gallons of water down the drain and set the bucket on fire, Isaac and I used this opportunity to conduct some science experiments.  Here are our findings:


1) These guys don't necessarily die if you poor bleach into the bucket.
2) They seem to enjoy swimming in beer.
3) They stop squirming if you cut them in half, although the the tail twitches for a few seconds.

So what did we learn from this experience?  I'm going to wash my hands in pure bleach from here on out.

Cyber Monday--Deal of the Day!

This is Mary.

Mary is a tailor with a vision: to help 300 female detainees* in Zambian jails...

Zambian Jail (from Human Rights Watch)

...get access to sanitary napkins.  Right now inmates have nothing.   Some roll up a piece of scrap fabric.  Others dig a hole in the dirt.  Most dread that time of the month.

Mary has compassion for these women...

Tumba Yobisika means "Hidden Pocket"

...and she's designed a cute bag filled with five reusable menstrual pads.

Yes, they are supple!

But wait, it gets better.  Each kit is made by a group of single moms that Mary is training in tailoring.  These tailors are being paid, gaining job skills, and helping out other women in Zambia.

Will you partner with Mary?  $10 buys one kit.  Just $10.  

And guess what?  Your donation is TAX DEDUCTIBLE in the USA. 

Click this link to Chikumbuso's Global Giving Page.  

Mary thanks you very much for your support!  I'll keep you posted on our progress.  Happy shopping!

*Many women are held for years before they are even charged with a crime.

Driver's License--Part 2

"Getting a driver's licence is easy." From Road Transport and Safety Agency of Zambia
Ha! The Road Transport and Safety Agency (RTSA) [pronounced RATS-A] has such a sense of humor!  Here are some other gems from their website:
_____________________________________________________________

What click in people's minds when they hear or think about obtaining a drivers license is the difficulties they are going to face such as long queues that never end and colossal sums of money to pay.   You're kidding... 

YES, they think of spending a lot of money because of approaching wrong persons who have their officers in streets and are not mandated to be issuing drivers license. We promise that you'll spend lots of time and money with legitimate officers...

The procedures are ease and there are no long queues. Muahahahaha.

The good news is that. Mind you, R.T.S.A is your friend and not your enemy. With friends like these...
_____________________________________________________________

So you've memorized your 10 Basic Rules of Driving.  Here's what happens next:


1.  Head on down to the main RTSA office.  You don't know where that is?  Lighten up!  Consider it a scavenger hunt.  Don't look for hints on RTSA's website.  It's not there.

Time: about 4 hours

# of Lines you'll stand in:  8-10

Stuff you'll need:  Originals and copies of work permits, international driver's license, passport, tranquilizers, and cash.

2.  The first thing you'll do is take your theory test.  Someone will quiz you on the 10 Basic Rules of Driving.  If you pass, take your officially stamped sheet and join the hundreds of lost souls trapped in the RTSA labyrinth.


3. After they have sucked your will to live, RTSA will fingerprint and take your photo.  You will need to remove all of your jewelry and look into the camera without smiling.  It's like a crazed mug shot you get to carry with you at all times.

See? Case in point.

Wait, male?  Way to kick me when I'm down.

4. At the end of this you'll be issued a temporary driving license.  Congratulations!


5.  Now you'll need to book your driving test with the RTSA office.  Sorry, you can't schedule that today.  You will need to come back in 24 hours to do this.  BTW the test is held elsewhere, so good luck finding that place.
______________________________________________________
The Driving Test--The Last Hurdle


Let's be frank:  the chances of you passing today are slim to none. All I can do is offer you a list of common "traps" the RTSA officers use to fail drivers.


1.  Don't start your test until the officer has his seatbelt on.  You may have to ask him to buckle up.


2.  Drive with your hands at 10 and 2 o'clock, or 8 and 4 o'clock--it depends on the officer.


3.  Never take your hands off the steering wheel.  Even when you are backing up.


4.  When you turn a corner, DO NOT use the hand-over-hand steering method.  Instead, use the "Push-Pull-Slide" method.  Google it if you don't know what I'm talking about.


5.  Oh, and by the way, the official road test route on the RTSA website is apparently a suggestion.


Here's how Eric and I both failed:
The officer asked us to go through an intersection.  There were three unmarked lanes to choose from, and only one went straight.  The "logical" choice turned out to be a left-turn only lane.


Officer:  I asked you to go straight.


Me: I know.  I didn't know this was a turn lane.  What should I do?


Officer:  Well, you could cross the solid white line and get into the correct lane, but that would be BREAKING THE LAW.


Me:  Ok, then I will take a left-hand turn.


Officer:  Why would you do that?


Me:  Because my option is to break the law or take a left and figure out how to get back.


And that's how I failed.  He wrote on my form:  FAIL--Didn't follow instructions.  For the record, Eric broke the law and crossed the solid white line.


Should this happen to you, don't fret.  You just need to go back to the main RTSA office, pay again and reschedule the test.
______________________________________________________
In a perfect world, I'd be in charge of Zambian driving tests.  Applicants would have to drive down the road and avoid the following hazards:


Level 1) Garbage thrown from trucks.

Look out below!

Level 2) Street vendors walking down the middle of the highway.

Oranges, anyone?

Level 3) Children darting into traffic.

And blind grandmothers.

Level 4) A herd of spastic goats.

Mahhhhhhhhhhh

If you manage to avoid all of these obstacles, I'll pass you.  If not, don't worry.  I'll allow you to retake the test.  However you'll need to schedule your next appointment at our offices conveniently located in Zimbabwe.  

Driver's License-Part 1

Another public service announcement from Eric and Sarah:  How to get your Zambian Driver's License.

1.  Bang your head against a brick wall until you pass out.  That was the fun part of your day.

2.  Now go to University Teaching Hospital to have a physical examination. 

Cost:  $12.

  Time:  min. 1 hour 

# of lines you will stand in:  min. of 5

What's my "apparent age"?

3.  If you pass your physical, then read through the handy-dandy Zambian Highway Code book, and MEMORIZE the 10 Basic Rules of Driving.  Remember, nobody likes "Bad Duck Pie" and nobody likes it when you don't know the rules.  Also, you'll be tested on these in Part 2.

• Be sure your car is roadworthy and know its limitations [Translation: When in doubt, drive it!]

Good to go!

• Adapt your speed according to the road and traffic conditions and never exceed the speed limit. [Translation:  Slow down a bit, if one of these bad boys crosses the road.]

• Drive with care and give courtesy to other road users. 

For example...

______________________________________________________

• Develop your car sense and reduce wear and tear.  [Translation:  I don't have the faintest clue what this means.]

Huh?

• Use your horn considerately and give proper signals. 

Go! Go! Go!

• Concentrate all the time on your driving to avoid accidents. 

• Know the highway code very well and put it into practice. [Translation:  The most important rule is to know the rules.]

______________________________________________________

• Perfect your roadcraft and acknowledge courtesies shown to you by other road users. [Translation:   You know the "thank-you" wave when I let you go in front of me?  Yeah, use that.]
• Interpret the traffic situation correctly before you act. [Translation:  Everyone knows that red means stop and green means go, but what happens when you get both at the same time?]

Interpret this.

• Exercise patience and "hang back" when necessary. 

Driving is fun!

Stay tuned for the next steps...

Smoke and Mirrors, Maybe?

No problem too big...

...for Dr. Adams to take your money.

...or Dr. Kenzo

Do Not Try This At Home...

Ellen:  Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down. 
Clark:  That's all part of the experience, honey. 

--National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

"I'm taking the day off today, so we can have an adventure,"  Eric declared on Friday morning. 

Scorching heat...

It is 91 degrees outside and what does Eric want to do?

     Read a book in front of the air conditioner

     Drink ice tea and go swimming

 Take the whole family on a 10K bike ride in the African bush

Freeloader

Everything was fine for the first 2 minutes.  Then Alex started complaining about how hard it was to bike... 

and Why are we doing this?... 

and Can we just go home?  

Eric told her to zip it.  

I, however, consoled her.  "Your father is completely nuts, sweetie.  Perhaps one day you will laugh.  Now keep riding so the Black Mamba doesn't get you."

After about an hour, I looked down at Alex's back tire.  It was completely flat.   

No worries.  Eric decided to tie her bike on the back of his...right behind Oliver's bike seat.  The only challenge was how to secure the 30-pound bike.  We, of course, had no cords or ropes with us.  Those were locked safely in the car.  

Eric grabbed the strap from the camera case. Then he added my Patagonia backpack.  That did the trick.

Problem solved.

Sort of.  Every time Eric hit a bump, Alex's bike would drop down onto his tire, we'd all have to stop, and fix it again.  Balance was a bit of an issue, since over 70 pounds rested on his back tire.

Needless to say, I nearly burst into tears when we reached our vehicle after the 4-hour ride.  We had survived!

On Saturday Eric left for a week-long business trip in Korea.  We are really going to miss him.  

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to refill my ice tea.

Free at Last!

"Congratulations, Little Bunny, you are now well on your way to getting your goat's stomach." --Eric Showell


My husband can eat almost anything and not get sick.  Past-prime leftovers?  No problem.  Souring milk.  Check.  Eating straight from the garbage can?  Uh, not verified.

He attributes his good goat stomach to living in Honduras for six months.  That's when he battled all sorts of stomach bugs.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Saturday morning the doctor found an amoeba living in my belly.  Said amoeba, I'll call him "Justin Bieber", wreaked havoc on my stomach, and wasn't going down without a fight.  He dropped-kicked the antibiotics right out of me.  Soon I looked like this:

Self-portrait

Saturday night Eric escorted me to the hospital, and they kept me there for three nights. The staff took great care of me, and I am now stabilized and back home.

It was unlike any hospital experience I've ever had.

It was more along the lines of 6th grade camp, only I had an IV.   Never mind that the bed sagged like a hammock, or that there were lizards in the bathroom, or that the shower curtain was three inches too short.  I mean, this is one of the nicest hospitals in Zambia, and I've been in some village "emergency rooms" with chickens running through them.  I'm not complaining about the ambiance.

Special Touch:  a sticker on the trash bin

Guess it's time to tape the edges too.

Here's my beef:

• There was no soap/sanitizer in the bathrooms. 

I mean, seriously?  I shared a room with two post-surgery ladies who probably wouldn't have appreciated taking home Justin Bieber Jr. [Editor's note: paternity is still in question].

So I had Eric bring in some soap and a large bottle of hand sanitizer or "hanitizer" as my kids would say.  It was the least I could do.

And after my experience with Justin Bieber, you'd better believe that now I carry a gallon of that stuff everywhere I go.

Plucked!

I buy chicken from the grocery store in a tidy package.  The other day while visiting my friend Holly I saw how it all happens.  The Africans got a kick out of me taking photos of chickens getting plucked.

Looks like fun, wouldn't you agree? 

Decapitated chickens R.I.P.

Little did they know their fate...

I ate one of these chickens the other day, and I treasured the meat, because I had a connection to the bird.  I didn't butcher it myself (maybe later), but I know who did.  I'm such a hypocrite.   

Isaac's 6th Birthday party!

It's great to have an October birthday party in Zambia, 'cause it's boiling hot!  Isaac invited some pals from school.  (He and Alex are the only Americans in these photos.)

How to have a water fight:

First take some boys...

Add some girls.  

 The girls may look innocent, but within minutes of this photo there was full-fledged warfare in my backyard.

Add water balloons.

When balloons are gone, get the hose.

Almost 10 years of marriage and this is what my spouse does to me.

Rope swing!

Cheap quality (but expensive!) birthday candles that wouldn't light.

Alexandra sharing some cake.

*Thank you Laura Menenberg for the photos!

Dutch Market Drama

“What is drama but life with the dull bits cut out.”— Alfred Hitchcock

"You are NOT allowed to sell your cupcakes at out market," Elizabeth told me last Monday.  "We can't have you competing with our slices of cake."  

This was a problem.  My partner-in-crime, Gretta*, had friends who'd recently hauled four cupcake caddies from Canada.  Over the last five months we'd perfected our recipes and designs.  We had hundreds of cupcake liners. And now, a few days from from Market Day, the Dutch Market Ladies threw us a curveball.

Our friends rallied behind us in solidarity.  One threatened to go on a hunger strike.  Others offered to circulate a petition.  Another woman, who is on the women's committee at the church, said she would fight for us on the "inside."

But it is the Dutch Church's market, so they get to make the rules, whether we like it or not.  

Gretta and I researched our options and got our game plan together.  We meditated on this idea:

"When life gives you lemons, 

make lemonade, 

and then figure out how to sell it for $5 a glass."

So we baked wicked-good brownies (with tons of real butter and cocoa) and sugar cookie bouquets decorated in royal icing.   Our fancy designs included Jack O'Lanterns and spider webs.

It was a ton of work, and we probably made about twenty-five cents an hour.  However, we not only sold everything, but we had a local coffee shop ask us to make cookies for them on a regular basis.

My favorite moment of the day was when the cheese vendor next to us expressed concern about Oliver.  He was sleeping with his mouth WIDE open, and she was convinced he would swallow a fly (...perhaps he'll die!).  We got to chatting and I brought up that he has Down syndrome.  Her face lit up and she said, "Really?  I'm studying Special Education at the University of Zambia, and we NEVER get to interact with kids with special needs."  

"Ha!" I said.  "Wait right here.  I have someone to introduce you to."  

I found the Nelsons from Special Hope Network, and I'm sure they have already recruited her to work with disabled kids in the compounds.  (By the way, don't forget my finder's fee, Nelsons!)

After a full day at the market, Eric and I spent the evening relaxing, er, hosting a BBQ for 30 people at our home--many of the same kindred spirits who were willing to fight for our cupcakes.  

All in all, it was a pretty amazing weekend for everyone except Isaac, who was kept in quarantine due to viral conjunctivitis.  Don't worry, I gave him a cookie.

*Name changed to protect the guilty.  

  

Don't Kubeba! (Shh..)

Don't Kubeba!  (Shh...)

Yesterday we packed our evacuation bags.  We were ready to flee Zambia at a moment's notice.

Our sweet, peace-loving Zambia threatened to erupt into full-blown violence,  if the opposition candidate didn't win.

We prepared for the worst as we waited for the electoral commission to release the final results.

Alex and Isaac asked me how I knew that the "bad guys weren't going to kill us."  I explained we'd be fine if we stayed home and avoided town.  So we planned a game night with friends and waited to hear the announcement scheduled for 6pm.

At 6 pm:  no results.  At 8 pm:  no results.  At 10 pm:  no results.  

Our friends went home and we headed to bed.  At 2 am I heard sirens, horns, and noisy crowds.  Either the world was going to hell, or there was a celebration in the streets.  Or both.

Mr. Michael Sata finally won the presidency and the city was ecstatic.  It still is.

The reason is simple:   Zambians felt like their voices were finally heard.

I have to hand it to Mr. Sata.  He had a brilliant strategy called: Don't Kubeba!  (Shh...)

He encouraged voters to pretend like they were supporting the incumbent president, but then secretly vote for Mr. Sata. This strategy resonated with the Zambian voters.  

Even my friend, draped in a Rupiah Banda chitenge (sarong) on election day confessed, "I voted for Sata.  Shhh!"  Then she grinned.  

So this morning, as President Sata was sworn into office, the city exploded, not in violence, but in jubilee.  Zambians tell me that they change has finally come to their country.

I rejoice with my neighbors.  I pray that President Sata will eliminate corruption, and bring prosperity to all Zambians.  

But as former President Banda said in his concession speech, "Enjoy the hour [of victory] but remember that a term of government is for years.  Remember that the next election will judge you also."

Let's Get Ready to RUMBLE! (Peacefully, please!)

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.  ~Will Rogers

Billboard in Lusaka

Election Day is T minus 8 days.  Lusaka is buzzing with anticipation.  

In one corner we have reigning champion President Rupiah Banda.   

In the other corner we have the challenger Mr. Michael Sata.  

There are a handful of other candidates--but like America's Ralph Nader and Ross Perot, they don't stand a chance against these heavyweights.


Dora Siliya,  spokesperson for Banda's party, recently warned villagers that a vote for Sata meant a vote for homosexuality (illegal in Zambia).  She urged the men in the audience to admire her soft bottom.  She also declared that Sata couldn't possibly have human parents.


Sata claims that the current administration will murder him and blame it on his poor health.

Now it is left up to the people to decide who will be the 5th president of Zambia.  

Election Ballots in Truck (Photo Katy Vosburg)

My friend Katy captured this shot:  election ballots being transferred in an open-bed truck.  Don't worry, the guy in the in the back is making sure none fall out.


Here is a close-up of those ballots. 

The Ballots (Photo: Katy Vosburg)

People on both sides are already alleging ballot fraud, and no one has voted yet.  Zambia makes American politics seem a bit bland, doesn't it?

Snapshots of Life

They're adorable when sleeping...

...and when laughing...

...and on the rope swing.

 NO BOYS ALLOWED Club

First Sprinkler!